Three's a (weird and creepy) crowd

This last weekend, while attending Mark and Amy's wedding reception, I was hit on in a way that I've never been hit on before. Re-read the title, and I'm sure you can guess the specific way I'm referring to. Um, ewwww.

It happened at the end of the evening, when the remaining guests were more than a little tipsy. I was, of course, one of these guests, and I was definitely tipsy. (I actually have wedding drinking down to a science: only one drink before dinner, so I don't get sleepy when the bar temporarily shuts down, then three drinks containing hard liquor in quick succession after the cake. This allows me to get just drunk enough to actually have fun dancing, but not drunk enough to fall down while dancing.) I won't go into all of the details, and I won't mention who did the propositioning, but I'm 90% sure that a certain couple strongly hinted that they wanted to have sex with me. Together. At the same time.

oh, MY GOD.

Here's the thing: I'm friends with many people who are sexually adventurous, even promiscuous. But group sex? I only know a few people who have admitted to it, and most of the time they're ashamed. They say things like, "It happened on accident" or "We were all just really drunk and weird things happened." In my opinion, group sex is on the Dark Side. It means you are sexually deviant and probably have severe emotional problems. It should not be something you're proud of, unless you're Hugh Hefner or that asshole from Girls Gone Wild.

And, I admit, I am a huge prude. I've always been extremely guarded about my body. I've never made out with a stranger or near stranger (unlike most people I know--even the prudish ones!). While I have gone astray in other areas of life, when it comes to sexuality, I've always kept to the straight and narrow. And while I admit that I could have had a lot more fun at certain points in life had I been more willing to experiment, I'm proud of my prudishness and feel that I've done the best thing for me.

So, of course, when this proposition occurred, I was very weirded out and had to take a few minutes to analyze the situation. Had what I thought just happened actually happened? If it had, why?! Given who had done the propositioning (which will still remain unspoken), there were sooooo many levels of weirdness to sort through. And everyone was tipsy, making logical thought a lot more difficult.

With few options of escape open to me, I simply danced as far away from the offending couple as I could. But suddenly, everyone started creeping me out. Friends and acquaintances who had seemed innocently friendly moments before became sinister and suspect for sexual deviance that might possibly affront me at any moment. After all, the couple had seemed perfectly nice pre-proposition. It occurred to me then that sexual deviance is a lot like adult diapers: with the right clothes, they can be hidden, and no one will ever know about your incontinence unless they get close enough to hear the tell-tale rustle.

With my neuroses in full swing, I began wondering "why me?" Is there something about me that screams "I want to have sex with you AND your fiance?" I don't exactly wear my prudishness on my coat sleeve, but I never thought someone would be comfortable asking me to do a threesome.

The next morning, thinking about the situation again, I put the thought that the proposition had anything to do with me out of my head. Some people are just...odd. And I'm not--at least, not in THAT way. Go me.