First, about the insomnia. This week, sleep apparently became optional to my body. Three nights in a row I laid awake, staring at light reflecting on the bedroom ceiling. My bed, once a refuge, became loathsome. I resorted to sleeping pills.
Then, I realized that outdoor labor makes the body remember that it's supposed to shut down when fatigued. I've decided to transform the weed-infested strip of dirt outside of our house into a garden of sorts. According to my gardening manual, this means that stripping the sod, removing roots, and replenishing the soil is necessary. Once I started this task, I also realized that removing random pieces of garbage from the last ten years or so would also be necessary. Under a few inches of dirt, I found a foam ring that looked suspiciously like the remnants of a padded toilet seat, a pepsi bottle, an old container of lip ointment, a few lighters, a metal hanger, a very long, unidentified strip of plastic, and a bunch of other crap. I felt like I was excavating life on the 2700 block of Jane Street since my landlord stopped caring about the outdoor appearance of the house.
I'm now on Day Two of this project, and the flowers aren't even in the ground yet. I spent yesterday morning clearing out bricks and other debris; today I finished that job and added some much-needed organic matter. Tomorrow I will install the weed barrier, plant the flowers, and top it off with some cedar mulch. No problem, right? We'll see.
In the midst of the gardening and insomnia, I've managed to engage in some "positive thinking," which I have cynically labeled as "Pollyanna-ish realizations" in the title of this post. These realizations revolve around the nightmarish learning community meetings discussed in two previous posts. After participating in this nightmare, I have been forced to admit these positive things:
1. I am a good leader and teacher. I take charge easily, I communicate straightforwardly, and I get things done. I can come up with really interesting teaching ideas. Even in the face of adversity (ie, a bad leader that must be surmounted).
2. Jesus put me in this horrible situation so that I would make this realization. Funny how he does things like that.
3. Even if the situation sucks, it is REALLY funny.
OK, now that I've satisfied my therapist, enough of that. Back to self-loathing, which is much more comfortable to me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Glad D.U. hasn't changed since I worked there. I enjoyed your blog so much I read the entire thing. There is one thing worse than grading freshman papers - try decoding 8th graders statements of faith - or statements of those who apparantly slept through all their English, grammar, and spelling tests. I wonder if they are still forgiven when they spell his name "Jeses Crist" throughout the entire statement? Apparently the last educated person out of TJ was Mike.
Deb Tobias
Post a Comment