A Sufjan Stevens Christmas

The bed that isn't made
The broken window shade
The radiator's on
I loved you all along
But I can see it now
You always tell me how
I could do so much better
You said it in your letter

Did I make you cry on Christmas day?
Did I let you down like every other day?

from "Did I make you cry on Christmas? (Well, you deserved it!)"

I like Christmas music, but in recent years, the "magic" behind it has been pretty much gone. This is, of course, my fault: as I've grown more and more cynical, the "holiday spirit" has been more and more difficult for me to access. Recently, I've been pretty pissed about this. The few weeks before Christmas used to be my second-favorite time of year (harvest being my favorite), but now that those weeks are here, I find that I'm already in the post-holiday, "I'm fat from too much eating and drinking; oh yeah, and winter sucks" mindset. This does not bode well for the ENTIRE WEEK that I must spend with my mom and grandma soon: instead of losing my temper at the end of the week, I'll probably say something regretable as soon as they get out of the car.

Luckily, Sufjan Stevens has saved the day--and the holiday--for me. Mike and I were able to locate what was probably the last copy of Songs for Christmas left in Pittsburgh, and I've been listening to it all afternoon. What Sufjan provides in this collection of holiday eps can best be described as reprieve from played-out notions of holiday cheer--both religious and secular--that seem to permeate everyday life. He accomplishes this through a mixture of parody, nostalgia, humor, and the hidden moments of clarity that have become his trademark. Including original songs, new takes on old favorites, and instrumental pieces, the collection provides a way for the cynical to re-define "holiday spirit."

In fact, Songs has given me such relief from pre-holiday depression that listening to it has become a sort of therapy. The collection is beginning to play the same role that Illinoise played after my dads unexpected death. Sometimes I would listen to Illinoise searchingly, to find answers; sometimes for the comforting knowledge that another person was just as confused about matters of life and death as I was; and sometimes just to fill the silence. While my current disillusionment with Christmas is not nearly as serious as the existential crisis I struggled with at that time, I appreciate the salve that Songs has provided for my post-adolescent holiday angst.

All of this to say, Songs for Christmas is worth finding and spending $22 on. Go get it, and perhaps your Christmas will be salvaged as well.