Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Stepmonster.

I have several friends whose parents have remarried despicable people. Many of these unfortunate friends have unflattering names for these people, all of them appropriate, but my favorite term by far is "stepmonster." This is what my friend Lacy calls her father's second wife, who is crazy. And mean. And, well, monstrous.

As of this past Sunday, I too have a "stepmonster." His name is Vince, and in my personal opinion, he sucks. Since I've already detailed why this is the case in a highly self-indulgent previous post, I'll spare you the rant. I will, however, add more evidence: when I told him I wanted to try to be civil and keep our family as functional as possible, he turned to my mom and said, "See, I told you: She's a little teapot and just needed to blow off a little steam."

Oh, the rage. I told him to beware The Rage of the Teapot (which should be the title of a mock-gothic novel, btw).

So, as I was saying, I have a stepmonster who has given my mom his name and will now begin ruining the rest of her life. But, I also have a stepsister who isn't a stepmonster at all. In fact, she may be my doppelganger. (Which might make her a monster to others, but not to me.)

She showed up at the wedding in jeans and a black t-shirt. She's much taller than me and looks like a gypsy, with dark, kohl-rimmed eyes and long black hair. She had an ironic smile and said she was just "trying to behave."

I liked her right away.

Later, she told me that she didn't meet her dad, my stepmonster, until she was twenty. Now, she talks to him on the phone about once a year. She said, warily, that she hopes my mom will be happy. It occurred to me that she might hate her father as much as I do. Or more.

The similaries continued to add up. She made a lot of bitchy, mean comments. For instance, when she saw one of our overgrown Italian cousins wearing a trendy fedora, she said, "Who invited K-Fed?" Like me, she's a vegetarian, and like me, she likes to rant about excessive cell phone usage. Like me, she likes to paint, but unlike me, she's actually really good and sells her stuff at festivals.

I would totally be friends with her. But I feel shy. Maybe my mom is her "stepmonster." Maybe she thinks I'm a stepmonster, too. God.

But, the thing is, I would love to have a sibling to share my angst. And she seems like she's very good at angst.

4 comments:

loverofliterature said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
loverofliterature said...

So the stepsister WAS totally enjoyable, wasn't she? I liked her too.
Sorry we had to leave without saying goodbye. Julia went into tantrum mode because your mother couldn't play on the swings with her and because she couldn't sit on her lap during dinner. I thought we should make a quick exit. Plus, it's not like there was any conversation going on with my family....ugh.
I'd love to know how the rest of the wedding went - you need to add some more commentary!! :)

Elva Undine said...

Wow, that SUCKS Marianne. How freaking weird.
But I think you should totally be friends with your stepsister. Both of mine are monsters in their own ways, even if Gary is innocuous.

Anonymous said...

I would first like to remind Jessica of that old Buddist truism-- No one who likes jazz is ever really innocuous. Also, I would like to say that I'm really sorry. I'm sure he's a douche and your mom (and you) derserve better, particularly you, b/c it wasn't even your decision. But at least you get a sister out of the deal. I'm a big fan of sisters and you don't even have to go through the rocky childhood years with this one. She's like built in commiseration!